Misc Presidential election humor
"Those who cast the votes decide nothing.
Those who count the votes decide everything." -Joseph Stalin
Don't Blame Me - I voted for Gore... I Think
If God Meant Us to Vote, He Would Have Given Us Candidates
Jews for Buchanan
What popular vote?
I voted - Didn't matter
My parents retired to Florida and all I got was this lousy President
Disney gave us Mickey, Florida gave us Dumbo
DON'T THROW AWAY YOUR VOTE........ LET KATHERINE HARRIS DO IT FOR YOU
Who is this Chad guy and why is he pregnant.
Bush trusts the people, but not if it involves counting.
Now do you understand the importance of user-testing?
To you I'm a drunk driver; to my friends, I'm presidential material!
One person, one vote (may not apply in certain states)
I DIDN'T VOTE FOR HIS DADDY EITHER
IT AIN'T OVER 'TIL YOUR BROTHER COUNTS THE VOTES
The election can't be broken. We just fixed it.
The eyes (wheeze) of Texas (cough) are upon you! (choke)
The last time somebody listened to a Bush, folks wandered in the desert for 40 years
Campaign spending: 184,000,000. Having your little brother rig the election for you: Priceless.
George W. Bush: The President Quayle We Never Had
BREAKING NEWS: GOD OVERRULES SUPREME COURT VERDICT
Bush to be smitten later today.
In a stunning development this morning, God invoked the "one nation, under
God" clause of the Pledge of Allegiance to overrule last night's Supreme
Court decision that handed the White House to George Bush.
"I'm not sure where the Supreme Court gets off," God said this morning on a
rare Today Show appearance, "but I'm sure as hell not going to lie back and
let Bush get away with this bullshit."
"I've watched analysts argue for weeks now that the exact vote count in
Florida 'will never be known.' Well, I'm God and I DO know exactly who voted
for whom. Let's cut to the chase: Gore won Florida by exactly 20,219 votes."
Shocking political analysts and pundits, God's unexpected verdict overrules
the official Electoral College tally and awards Florida to Al Gore, giving
him a 289-246 victory. The Bush campaign is analyzing God's Word for
possible grounds for appeal.
"God's ruling is a classic over-reach," argued Bush campaign strategist Jim
Baker. "Clearly, a divine intervention in a U.S. Presidential Election is
unprecedented, unjust, and goes against the constitution of the state of
"Jim Baker's a jackass," God responded. "He's got some surprises ahead of
him, let me tell you. HOT ones, if you know what I mean."
God, who provided the exact vote counts for every Florida precinct,
explained that bad balloting machinery and voter confusion were no grounds
to give the White House to "a friggin' idiot."
"Look, only 612 people in Palm Beach County voted for Buchanan. Get real!
The rest meant to vote for Gore. Don't believe me? I'll name them: Anderson,
Pete; Anderson, Sam, Jr.; Arthur, James; Barnhardt, Ron..."
Our Lord then went on to note that he was displeased with George W. Bush's
prideful ways and announced that he would officially smite him today. In an
act of wrath unlike any reported since the Book of Job, God has taken all of
Bush's goats and livestock, stripped him of his wealth and possessions, sold
his family into slavery, forced the former presidential candidate into hard
labor in a salt mine, and afflicted him with deep boils.
Dick Cheney will reportedly receive leprosy.
This was sent to me by a devout Republican.
Bush wins the election. He and Cheney are having lunch at a diner near the White House. Cheney orders the "Heart-Healthy" salad. Bush leans over to the Waitress and says "Honey, could I have a quickie?"
She's horrified! She says, "Mr. President, I thought your administration would bring a new era of moral rectitude to the White House. Now I see I was wrong and I'm sorry I voted for you," and she marches off.
Cheney leans over and says "George, I think it's pronounced 'QUICHE'.